emma b. says

Thursday, May 05, 2005

On becoming a word with the suffix "ist"

I discovered that I was a bonafied word-with-the-suffix "ist" as I was cursing in my car. I had forgotten that one of the joys of driving is the freedom to curse liberally and audibly while occaisionally and brazenly dredging my nose backed by the muscle of power steering and a steel chasis. As it happened I was cursing at NPR, or rather it's content, it being national prayer day.

And this being a word-with-the-suffix "ist" is the stickiest of wickets because I am undecided and deeply divided.

Turns out that the christian right thinks I am a god hating heathen, and though I am rather proud of being an unabashed heathen, I do not hate God, I hate them. I really, sweepingly, hate them

God and I have seperate issues, and my She/He/It/They, henceforth known by the acronym SHIT (You don't mind do You?) My SHIT is benign, my SHIT is benevolent, my SHIT could give a shit. Like was SHIT taking a shit in the Sudan, did SHIT mistake it for it's litter box?

Back to They who made me the word-with-the-suffix "ist". What is that word? It's not baptist, it's not methodist, it's not adventist. It can't be evangelisist. That sounds too positive. Maybe I am just a bigot, that sounds right, it's got the right connotations of blanket exclusion and condescension, and a dark thread of looming violence. So be it. I am a bigot, and they have made me thus. It's an admission that make me cringe, that is contrary to the hippy values my parents sought to instill, it is counterintuitive all of my moral values that prop up my backbone and I am worldly enough to know that only fools and politicians make such generalizations, but today in the car, after the battery of fucks screeched at the radio, when my blood was at a full boil, and I caught myself wishing They could all be relocated to a man made isle somewhere at the nether end of the Pacific where the weather is especially inclement with all of their bretheren in zealotry, Islamic, Jewish, Hindi and what the hell, throw is a few self-immolating Buddists for good measure and let them let as much blood as they like til the last person falls. I'm betting SHIT would be tickled pink.

I realize that I have affected a cavalier tone for this screed. I did have a rather detailed and succinct argument laid out in my head, but that was before I had a lovely dinner with mere & pere Bovary at Cortez, and it was the second bottle of rose that tempered my ire and hastens my need to retire.

And the pundits keep gnattering on about the culture wars, but I must remind them it isn't really a war until blood is spilled, and I fear we are not far from the first shot ringing in the square. And then we will see just how rabid and rapacious those good christians are, they'll be just as condemned as the rest of us as we pillage in the name of the restoration of our unassailable righteousness, and they will slaughter our children wholesale, and we will slaughter their children and commit unspeakable acts, and all of us on both sides will be stupified by the savagery in moments of repose and beg forgiveness and wipe our bloodied hands in the dirt, and the great pendulum of history will inevitably swing back, heavy and unmerciful, and SHIT will sit in judgement and snigger "the joke's on you, larvae"

So on this day of national prayer, I am praying to SHIT that reason will prevail, that the goodly Mother Nature wont bury us under a fine layer of silt, I am praying for forgiveness for my impatience with the boundless ignorance with the christian right, I am praying that people will stop detonating themselves in public venues in Iraq and Israel. I am praying that the angels will take all of the existing and future nuclear weapons to the champs elysees of weaponry, I am praying for the health and happiness of my friends and family, that my health wont fail, that here in my happy little nucleus of semi-bourgeosie that I can be good. That I can be good.


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