emma b. says

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Update the second, free, untethered.

That is that, then, perfectly civilized over late evening sandwiches. I was pretty sure the spell was broken in that precious coffee joint a few weeks ago, but now I know.

Dear Engineer, my engineer, I loved you so, I loved you without reserve.

And I am not sorry.

Tonight, we warily assessed one another over sandwiches in raincoats (new! ha!) and scarves, and I am still not sorry, I am only sorry that all that good love is gone, I am even sorrier that you really had no idea, I still sorta half heartedly muttered under my breath after we parted that I hope she rips your heart out, because I still believe in parity, and because I did love you, and because you broke me, because I only wanted, I only wanted. A lot like the case of the green cottage.

Sweet jeebus, bring unto me sagacity and tenacity, an unflagging spirit and a balls-out sense of humour, and when the time is right, or even if it's wrong, if you could see fit to sneak in a little love, I promise I'd keep it to myself.

We can be friends, but you will never really know me, I'll never trust you enough. You will come at me again, with your doe eyes and you will want to atone, but it will be too late, it is already too late. You are not going to question my reticence, for what it's worth, this was our last evening out, over sandwiches, my questions have been resolved, I do not need to see you or speak to you again, I am at peace, and my never-quelled sea of love, will always love you at certain angles, in certain lights, and all of the lovely voluptuous tricks of memory, I will always love you best when your smile was closest to mine.

But the door slams shut, now.


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